Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit
 

• Sample the tequila to check quality.
• Take a large bowl, check the tequila again.
• To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
• Repeat.
• Turn on the electric mixer.
• Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
• Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
• At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
• Try another cup... just in case.
• Turn off the mixerer thingy.
• Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
• Pick the frigging fruit up off floor.
• Mix on the turner.
• If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
• Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
• Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
• Check the tequila.
• Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
• No wait..shtrain the lemon juice and shift your nuts.
• Add one table.
• Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink, whatever you can find.
• Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
• Don't forget to beat off the turner.
• Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
• Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.
   

Happy Holidays!